Cole: On the Flight to Love
As Written
As Edited
Zoe had dated enough emotionally stunted guys that she knew better.
Zoe had dated enough emotionally stunted guys to last her a lifetime. She was so done with that.
Laura. Damn her. Gone from his life for years and she still managed to haunt him. And he’d uttered her name to Zoe. He buried his face in his hands, digging into his scalp with his fingernails.
Laura. Damn her! Gone from his life for years, and she still managed to haunt him. And he’d called Zoe by her name. He buried his forehead in his hands, digging into his scalp with his fingernails.
Reflections
The first As Written example was just a little confusing, but a heavy edit cleared it up.
The second example needed a little punctuation first. ‘Damn her’ usually deserves an exclamation point, and the next sentence needed a comma. Uttering another woman’s name to Zoe doesn’t really describe the problem, but calling Zoe by another woman’s name certainly does. The last sentence though is physically impossible as written. Your hands would have to be abnormally large to cover your face and allow your fingers to dig into your scalp at the same time. It can’t be done.